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Emotionally Numb from lyme disease
The complete emotional disconnection from life
When life is born, it is genetically endowed with an amazing and truly astounding ability to emotionally invest in and receive from other living and non-living entities. This emotional investment generates a somewhat invisible tether in which we become attached to the entity. In turn, this becomes a gateway for emotions to transfer through. The emotions are grand as they really are the adjectives to a life. The spices in which life becomes interesting and more than just a stagnant existence. Love, fear, hope, joy, courage, despair, anticipation, and peace are just a small fraction of the plethora of beautiful ways in which we establish a connection with our surroundings. Never could a thought have been conceived in which a total emotional disconnection from all entities could occur.
Lyme Disease is directly responsible for detaching our emotions from all that we have always assumed to exist in ours lives and take for granted. It has cut the invisible tether with sheer malevolence and a malicious determination to completely shun and disconnect our souls from all the reasons we exist for. For it is nothing more than a malignant attempt to destroy any resources life could still harness to develop a resistance towards the bacteria's intended purpose. When a person loses all ability to embrace life, deterioration of the soul begins.
This complete emotional isolation is nothing short of indescribable with words. If anything, the words diminish the true nature of the beast. It must be made known that this emotional disconnection is widespread throughout the Lyme community. It is not a unique and unacknowledged symptom but can undoubtedly appear that way due to the level of difficulty that exists in truly trying to understand and explain its ominous wrath.
Before Lyme Disease, you could feel. You could feel the joy of seeing a good friend for the first time in a long time. You could feel the pain that accompanied the departure of a lover. You could feel the pure inspiration from art and self expression. You could feel the total satisfaction received after going beyond the call of duty for another human. You could feel the pure hurt and pain of the death of those you've always held so close. You could feel the desire to carry on well beyond any obstruction or deterrent that came your way. You could feel the love that so indefinitely defined what it meant to be alive, but not now. You have lost all ability to feel as the complete disconnection from your emotions reigns supreme. For now.
The tether that is realized to be so crucial to a life only after it has been sliced, can and does in fact repair itself constantly. For destruction could not exist without healing and repair. The two would not exist without one another. The moment Lyme breaks this tether, reconstruction to reestablish a connection to our environment is well under way. It's a continuum fueled by the physical body's ability to save and preserve its lifelong companion, the mind. By fighting back on a physical level, the body and its antibiotic ally attempt to destroy the bacteria that has set course to destroy who we really are. The qualities that make us human must be preserved. Even if it's only to show resistance to the menacing plague that has over stayed a welcome, that has yet to exist.