Things have been very strange as of recently.
My brain fog has been prominent but it hasn't been at the level of intensity and debilitation it provided me with in the beginning of treatment. Also my memory has been improving drastically.
I'm in no way implying that I am completely healed or in remission from Lyme Disease but there isn't a doubt in my mind that the protocol I have been on for the past 7 months has been healing me at the fastest rate possible.
On the 16th, I had my birthday and turned 24 years of age. Even though the birthday wishes felt to me as an obligatory custom, they did reprise a sense of belonging. That a life still exists for me and it's waiting for my return.
Yesterday I had visited my N.D. (Naturopathic Doctor) for the first time in a few months and updated her on my status. I told her I was progressively getting better. I knew that my experience would benefit her own education.
I told her that my worst symptom, be it neither physical nor mental, was in fact spiritual. It was a lack of passion and an inability to embrace the beautifully simple experiences in life.
I told her that if I were to sit on a porch and simply gaze into the setting of the sun, I could not embrace that moment or reap its soulfully lifting properties. I had become numb. It is as if a fog obstructs the absorption.
We also discussed my protocol and what direction I would take with it.
The foundation of a dream is based entirely off of memories buried within our subconscious
The memories are buried so deep that we can not access them in our conscious state
They can only be reached while asleep
Some memories are so unfamiliar that we question their existence.
Could a memory with no trail of birth come from an experience of our own?
Lyme has surely prohibited any access into our subconscious or conscious realm for far too long
With Lyme, memories are normally inaccessible and usually we are numb and feel nothing at all
But things are changing
My dreams as of recently have become so vivid, realistic, emotional and nostalgic
It is almost as if a barrier to my prelyme psyche has been breached
The way I use to think
The way I use to feel
The memories I use to recall are flourishing back in an expected and overwhelming way
It can only be a true indication of healing
I am scared though
I am scared that one day when I am beyond this hell, I will face a new one
A new reality
The reality that relationships can't just continue where they left off
The reality that many days of my life will feel as if they were wasted
That even though I beat Lyme Disease, the life I will reclaim once again will have expired
For so long the Lyme has created an impenetrable security from the outside world
And when it has departed, it will have taken one last shot
I will come to realize that I will not be the only aspect of my life that needs to be repaired
Welcome To My Blog!
The LyBlog will focus on my personal battle with chronic Lyme disease,