I was still as misunderstood then as I still am now
Still have yet to see many of their faces I've accepting that I may never get through Conveying my pain to another wasnever a priority or an original intention of mine But I've made progress Test results yield a discretional understanding Treatment has reclaimed parts of a life that could of never been thought to of been taken away New passions have ignited new found worth My heart still pumps the blood of a trillion cells The sun still rises everyday as the unspeakable purpose it has always been And I'm still here to turn my back on any false indication of a time to lose my existence
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It's quite the isolated feeling
I'd rather feel pain The assurance of life I have no interest in anything Any purpose to fulfill has taken an exodus I can understand that it is temporary but it still burns without the pain Normally when you have an experience it creates an emotional investment inside of you At the moment, any emotional investment passes right through It is the complete emotional standstill Describing the feeling provides a purpose and solace but not to be accepted as either until a later date An experience becomes a memory after time has taken it away Your purpose is the existence you invest in an experience This experience is quite the hell I feel as though when I go out in public all eyes are on me
The feeling that I am constantly being judged in a negative sense keeps building I know it's partly true but not to the extent that I'm making it out to be I'm usually a very upfront and open person and this stuff usually doesn't bother me I don't know though, as of lately, things have been different When I leave the tangible walls of my room, I feel exposed and naked It's an extreme and overwhelming feeling of insecurity A stranger to the human race Lyme knocks out your self esteem The Oil of Oregano is really kicking the crap out me
I hope this makes sense I'm sitting here at the computer screen completely zoned out I'm struggling to find the words I feel like a zombie Your exterior is never an honest reflection of your insides If only my face could truly paint how I feel If for a moment I could transpose my being to someone else Only then would they realize the pain I would stare at them They would tell me to take it back because it was unbearable For a moment I would live in a body without plaque As unimaginable as it would leave, I'd take it back For this is my struggle This is their understanding |
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