I had an incredibly vivid dream last night that has left me contemplating its reason well into the morning after. Most of my dreams are intense and colorful much like the one I had last night, but the impression this one has left allows it to just linger in my mind as the day goes on.
I can't remember every exact detail of the dream but I specifically remember knocking on a childhood friend's door who lived around the block from me years ago. Though my friend and his family no longer live in that house, I specifically remember thinking, while I waited for the door to be answered, how my friend has changed since I've last seen him.
The inner door was open, thus allowing a view into the house through the screen door. I remember watching my friend approaching the door and wondering what has changed about him.
As he came to the door, I specifically remember telling him that I needed to talk with him. I needed someone to hear me out because I was reeling from none other than the struggle with this plague. The astounding thing is that I'm never one to reach out to another in real life but here in my dream, I was reaching out to an old childhood friend for solace. I needed his compassion and understanding for what I have been enduring.
What happened directly after that is a blur to me but following this event, another childhood friend appeared at the house as well as an ex-girlfriend. This new childhood friend was in a band, much like I used to be in real life but this child hood friend in real life has no musical experience. In fact he is a hunter. He was preparing the band for the singer, which was my ex-girlfriend and again, my ex-girlfriend is in no way a singer in real life.
During most dreams, there is an emotional attachment to it. I specifically remember feeling like a failure at life after hearing my childhood friend mention he was in a band.
These were just the critical parts of the dream that continue to linger in my head as the morning progresses on this rainy day.
The fundamental emotions I gather from the dream are desperation and failure, but these weren't the factors that attracted me to the mystery of the dream. Oh no, it was actually the presence of people I had been extremely close with long ago. Forget the roles they were even playing in my dream, it was their presence alone that left me curious. In a essence, I became nostalgic for the relationship I once I had with these profound people.
I'm not one to show emotion easily but I am a very compassionate and understanding person. I just have a tendency to bury what I can't explain or control. As I played the song, I closed my eyes and it was the order of words that were spoken that made my eyes water up. I didn't cry as I find I have found it very difficult to do so since contracting Lyme. What I experienced was the initial release from within my mind, of what I had buried for so long, coming out. Though immediately it was shot down once again by a force inside of me that I can't seem to control.
In the midst of all this, I am herxing. After such an incredibly amazing emotional experience, I was reminded once again that I am completely human and well alive. That alone sparked immense hope and light in a time where nothing but darkness and despair reign supreme.
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The LyBlog will focus on my personal battle with chronic Lyme disease,