So much has happened to me this year, and when I look back on it all, it would appear to have gone so fast. I've also reinforced a lot of what I've already knew through experience such as happiness can always be found within, nothing is a guarantee, and much of everything that now seems lost or forgotten was one day something that had yet to be gained.
When I last left you, I think I had mentioned I was feeling almost 85% better and that I still had a small percentage to deal with. I was functioning normal in society, and I use normal in a subjective manner because it is. In an essence, I was nearly back to where I was before my health took a turn for the worst originally in the fall of 2009. So what happened?
Well, I made a mistake. I completely came off my treatment protocol because I was feeling good and I should not have. In doing so, I was unable to completely overcome the remaining 15% or so of my ailing effects, and instead that number slowly increased from 15% to nearly 70-80% again. A few months had passed and I was down again. Everything that I worked so hard to gain was taken away from me once more. I had to leave the work force, I could no longer support my independence, and I lost someone really special.
So what was I to do? Sure I could sit and beat myself up over all that I perceived to be negative that arose from my relapse, but I also knew that I really had to get back on the horse. I needed to bring myself back to where I was, and the funny thing is is that I knew how to do it because I did it not long ago.
I think it's really important to silence your surroundings to create an environment that's conducive to hearing and understanding your inner workings. To know where you stand, what you need, and the best way for you to achieve it. So I confronted what was brewing inside of me after my downfall. I accepted it, and then I pushed it to the side which was a huge step. It was apparent to me that I needed to now focus on what I was capable of doing within my circumstances that could move me one step closer to where I needed and wanted to be. I got back on my treatment protocol.
I got back on my treatment protocol because I knew it was the only thing that got me so close to where I needed to be with my health. I was so close to achieving complete remission from Lyme, but I fooled myself and I let a lot of the hard work slip away, or at least so I thought.
Apparently after restarting my protocol, I learned that I really didn't lose much ground. The moment I started back on it, I began to feel good again. While I shouldn't have been surprised, I was, but I feel I was more angry at myself for not giving myself more time on the treatment protocol.
I've been back on the Buhner protocol for about 3 weeks already and I can slowly feel myself coming back to where I was when I felt I was 80-85% healed earlier this year. I'm riding my bike every other, if not every day, 14 miles. I've started lifting weights again, and between exercising and a religious burbur/pinella combination every day, I find that I am more in control of how I feel than I ever was.
So even though a lot of negative has arisen from enduring Lyme Disease, a lot of good experiences have also occurred that I would have otherwise never had the opportunity to relish in had I never had Lyme Disease. So sure, you can easily concentrate and focus on all the negative that is too revealing when you're enduring Lyme, but you can't overlook the good and the happiness that stands in the same line of sight. All that you need to do on your part is to make sure you're looking in the right direction.
Because even though everything good in your life right now may seem gone and without promise of ever returning, I have learned that not only is this a delusion, but the controls for such a life, the only life you've ever known, are always before you. You just need to reach out and take hold. And there is no rush. There is never a need to accomplish within a time period. The art of healing from Lyme is a slow and steady race, rather than a sprint. You will find what is good and great in life in time, you will find joy once more, and will once again have the chance to be yourself without the filter of Lyme.
Until next time, I leave you with the words of Professor Stephen Hawking, and the enchanting voice of David Coverdale of Whitesnake.
